Today’s morning I have a gut to have a look on my ex’s Facebook. Aha, he already engaged. I’m not shocked neither to be jealous, and to be honest (there is arguing in my heart; why this crap guy can have this kind of girl? She’s sweet for me, like she can get better ha-ha well, in a positive way I think Allah sent her to him to be a better guy. Who knows? No one but Allah does. Right? )
I’m just..deep down.. I have an imaginary that touched my heart, ” What if I was in his place, what it feels like? ” You know, I imagined it with my current boyfriend which I love the most comparable to the other guy who have been with me in this few years. Having someone that you truly love and care about. Feels like he’s different from the others. Imagine you, on that Engagement day — smiling, freaking nervous to see his family or do I look pretty on that day?, it’s like there is large, beautiful garden in your heart.
I do know why I feel sad. Maybe I’m afraid that I cannot be with you someday. I haven’t enough faith on Allah who set my life like what he thinks the best for me.
I love you Aliff, If Allah let me have you, I’ll try my best to take care of you, knowing you for my entire life.
and if we are not meant to be together, I just can let the time passed to let my sorrow slowly go away besides the prayers that I pray to Allah to put the redha in my heart.”